Daniel Goleman Destructive Emotions - Part XVI - "Making turtle
Turning to practical matters, Mark then began to tell a story, which was illustrated by projecting images which is often used in PATHS to work with children between three and seven years old.
"This is the story of a small turtle that liked to play alone and with friends. He also loved to watch TV and play in the street, but did not seem to have a good school. "
At first, the Dalai Lama did not seem to realize that it was a fairytale, but I just realized Therefore, touched her head a few times and, visibly delighted, he smiled at everyone present.
"A turtle that was very difficult to sit listening to his master," said Mark. When his classmates took away the pencil or pushed, our turtle was so angry that would soon quarrel or in insult to the point that then excluded from their games.
"The turtle was very upset" following the story, while the display is projected an image of the turtle playing alone in the courtyard. I was angry, confused and sad because I could not control himself and not know how to solve the problem. One day he met an old turtle knew that he had three hundred years and lived on the other side of town. Then he asked: "What I can do? I hate school. I can not be good and even though I try, I never get it. " Then the old turtle replied, "The solution to this problem is in yourself. When you feel very upset or angry and can not control yourself, get into your shell, "said Mark, enclosing a hand on the hilt of the other and hiding the thumb that sticks out like the head of a turtle retreating into its shell.
"" In there you can calm down. When I hide in my shell, "continued the old tortoise-do three things. First, I say 'Stop'. Then breathe deeply once or more times if I need it and, finally, I tell myself what is the problem. "Then, the two performed together several times until our turtle said he was looking forward to the time of return to school to prove its effectiveness.
"The next day, the turtle was in class when another boy started to bother and just started to feel a surge of anger within him, that his hands were beginning to heat up and accelerated the pace of his heart remembered what he had told his old friend, retreated inside, where he could be quiet with no one to bother and thought I had to do. After a few deep breaths, out of his shell again and saw that his master was smiling.
"Our turtle practiced over and over again. Sometimes I succeeded and sometimes not, but little by little, the fact of retreat into its shell was helping to control. Now that you've learned you have more friends and enjoys going to school.
"But we do not simply tell children the story of the tortoise, but also represent. So, one day a child can play the role of old turtle, the next day to make turtle and a third may be the teacher. Thus, all children will gradually acquire the ability to take different views.
"As His Holiness no doubt have noticed, This story has several important aspects. First-and-above all, teach your child to become aware of their emotions before they become destructive behavior. In addition, it also helps you take responsibility and control, which is naturally very gratifying and contributes positively to their development and maturation.
"With this story teach children," continued Mark-to "turn turtle" in many different ways, depending on the context, but always using the body. In most cases, we teach them to breathe deeply while crossing his arms over his chest, "said Mark illustrating his comments with the appropriate gesture.
"Now I want everyone here would do this for a minute. Breathe deeply. So not only will note that this is very reassuring, but also realize that, in this position can hardly hurt anyone, "joked Mark."
- but if we can throw killer looks! "Continued the joke His Holiness.
Once Mark had us all "doing turtle" continued: "From the very beginning teach children by rewarding them with ink the stamp each time a turtle achieve calm. The teacher is thus also a clear sign that the child is calmer and, even more importantly, nod their learning, as supported the Russian psychologists Vygotsky and Luria-in motor planning. We believe that children's learning is initiated through specific physical action and only then is becoming more conceptual. What we want, in short, is to associate the concept of tranquility and action, in addition, and as stated above, it is very difficult to physically attack someone when we are in that position.
"We started working in 1981 with deaf children, as you all know, have language difficulties and we were forced to rely on support provided by the gestural sign language," said Mark, repeating back to their hands the gesture of the turtle hiding in its shell. But then we realized it was better to cross your arms because that way it's easier to incorporate deep breathing, which has a remarkable calming effect.
"The children can not calm down and to this end, often require the support of adults. So when a teacher sees a child seems very angry should take him by the hand and say: "I see you are very angry. Let's calm down. I'll do you. Inspire together "and that after this, add something like:" Are you calmer? ", Mimicking, in this way, the attitude of the mother as" consolidated "and structure the relationship with your baby. Also in this case is necessary for the teacher with the child repeat this practice as often as needed, until the end of internalizing this essential skill.
"But at the same time we teach children to" turn turtle " we also teach them to talk about themselves, as a way of controlling their behavior, which sometimes is called the verbal self. The idea is that the child learns to talk to yourself and learn to use language as a substitute for representation of behavioral and emotional outburst.
"This seems a crucial point, because the self is the prerequisite for all responsible action. Not enough, in this sense, moral admonitions without the underlying skills needed to implement them.
"We believe that unless children learn to calm down when they are altered, their moral and emotional development is in danger of getting stuck. This is a really essential point, because it is very difficult and takes practice. And I must say that as an adult, I'm still working on it.
"We use the technique of the turtle with young children, because older people have less need for it and are ashamed to do something so childish. But younger children, aged three and seven years, have a greater emotional lability, and many more difficulties than larger, therefore, to control their behavior. "
Express what you feel Then Mark
cardboard projected multiple images of human faces, each of which expressed a different emotion: a smiling face for happiness, another grumpy to be angry, and so on.
"A second objective of our program is that children become familiar with the world of emotions. We started with the evolutionarily more primitive feelings and then we move to more complex. And that we do ranking based on a color code. We never talked about feeling good and feeling bad, because for us, all feelings are well, but of feelings and sentiments yellow, blue or feeling comfortable and uncomfortable feelings, respectively, because that is how they make you feel internally (although sometimes be tricky.) For example, when we speak of "fear", also usually teach at the same time the opposite sentiment, in this case "to be safe."
"The lessons are multimodal, meaning that the teacher shows them pictures of faces and bodies of people who are experiencing this feeling, maybe tell you about a case in which he himself felt as a child , or maybe invite them to have some time that they have experienced. After the lesson, the teacher gives each child a card with a "face of feeling" that he placed on a pad with rings and left on his desk. The teacher also has this type of notebook and in the event that the program was well established in that school until the director has another.
"The book in question begins to have very few cards, but is filled with the passage of time. Throughout the day, these faces are used to develop and express their awareness of internal states. Similarly, then, that teach children to "do Turtle, "because it is something that can appeal at any time, especially when they are caught in an emotion, we also teach them to use" feeling faces "in real life situations. Sometimes, for example, perhaps to start the day, after lunch or when they are very excited, the teacher might say: "Now I want everyone to look in your notebook the face that best expresses how you feel." "A lot of feelings in this way, we teach children, beginning with the most rudimentary (such as feeling happy, sad, scared and safe) moving on to other more complex (such as feeling disappointed or proud), other more advanced (such as feeling embarrassed or humiliated), and in the case of children over eleven years, feeling even more sophisticated (and feel rejected and feel sorry .)
"In the first lessons also teach them to use a blank card, which we call" private "- to convey the idea that they are not always required to show their feelings, whether that makes them feel feel comfortable or uncomfortable. And I must point out that this was something that taught us a deaf child. At the beginning of the implementation of PATHS we gave the children some blank cards and saw what they did. On one occasion, one of them used this card to say: "Nobody cares how I feel", thus expressing very clearly that day he had no interest in telling anyone how he was.
"Those early experiences with our program took us to draw a few conclusions. The first is that we often underestimate the abilities of children, and the other is that they can teach us something very important. I remember, in this sense, the case of a deaf child of about nine years that one day he told his teacher: "I need a new face, because I have no express what I feel." "How do you feel?" "He then asked his teacher" Bad / happy, "he replied in sign language. And when his teacher asked him to explain what he meant by this, he replied: "It's like I feel when I laugh when someone trips." We spent a whole year in the lab discussing the best name for that feeling and we finally decided to call "malice."
"This kind of learning not only helps children to recognize what is happening inside (or what happens inside someone else), but also conveys the idea that expressing feelings contributes positively to solve problems. Now let me give you an example that just has to do with the feeling of "malice" we were talking about.
"There are many children who can not respond to the taunts of others, a situation that sometimes can be very difficult. Of little use to adults tell them to ignore the joker and that therefore it will stop laughing. Furthermore, although the suggestion is, in some cases, certain, not always easy to ignore the taunts. On the other hand, children may believe they are ignoring the joker when, in fact, do nothing but invite you to keep bothering.
"So, when we teach the word" malicious ", we also teach them to say," You're being malicious "those who may be making fun of them, in which case your answer is not reactive, but constitutes a possible way Metacontrol the situation. I remember that one day I was visiting a class when I noticed that a boy was teasing another, at which point he said: "Today you are very malicious. "Has anything happened?" Reaction, which, at that time, incidentally, served to tackle the jokes very different to the simple fact of being damaged. "
Preparing the neural pathways
"The case of the joke is a very complex because, although most of the times when someone makes fun of a child he feels hurt, humiliated and confused, there are circumstances in helping to integrate them into group. Despite this, however, children usually considered negative any fun. At about ten years, when children are grouped in gangs, a new type of behavior, gossip, leading them to spend much time telling stories about it and against it, what can be very annoying, because it is very difficult to control their emotions when others do not stop telling lies about him. "
- Are you saying," he said then the Dalai Lama that the immaturity of the child from his intelligence to understand the context. I do not think it takes a great cognitive development to understand this because up until the puppies seem to understand. It is not unusual to see a couple of dogs biting playfully, as if they know that there is any evil in it.
For this reason, "said Mark, is very important that children know when they feel reassured that someone is making fun of him and also discriminate clearly know whether it is a mere play or hide any ill intentions. Keep in mind that aggressive children who are easily damaged often react in an almost automatic. For now we ignore that in this case, may be occurring in your brain, and that there may be very sensitive circuits thereon. There are times in which teachers, like parents, are forced to deal with intractable situations. Consider, for example, the case in which two children come running from the playground saying: "'I have removed the ball!" "" No, he has taken me has been he! "I had it first!". "" No, it was him! ". The problem is that in this case, the teacher did not witness the event trigger for the entire sequence, which sometimes may even go back several days ago. Perhaps one might suspect what has happened, but rarely knows for certain and it is likely that, trapped in a situation like this, punishing both ends by saying something like, "Okay. Now going to sit them. Recess is over. "
There are teachers who, when the child gets stuck on an emotion, feel emotionally disturbed. In this case, we suggested they say something like, "You seem very upset and now I'm starting to be. We need to calm down. " And one way of doing this is that children moonlighting among the "faces of emotion" most clearly expresses what they feel. And what we want with it, at least in a theoretical way is the activation of left frontal lobe, an area which, as we said Richie, contributes to suppress the disturbing emotions.
It's using the language center of the part of the brain to begin to understand-and, thus, controlling the emotion. Needless to say, this strategy does not always have the desired effect, "concluded Mark.
"This seems to me very well," agreed the Dalai Lama. From a Buddhist perspective, it would serve nothing for the mind to regain a state of neutrality.
From an evolutionary perspective Mark continued, nodding, we believe that the period from three to eight or nine years in which, incidentally, learning to describe the emotions-is right to establish those neural pathways. We do not know much about the neural pathways connecting the amygdala and the hippocampus, frontal lobe and still know almost everything about the brain structures that mark these two roads. But despite this we believe that in this critical period of life is very important to lay the foundations of the habits that help us to develop all these skills. As you know, it is always difficult to relearn how to learn.
Once again, Mark has enunciated a principle essential to early childhood education of the emotions. It's much easier to teach children all these emotional skills during the period that is shaping the neural circuitry that try to modify it when they are adults. In this field, as in many others, is worth an ounce of prevention than a kilo of psychotherapy, detoxification or imprisonment.
establish "peace zones" in class
"also continued Mark, also have a broader context to teach children the skills of problem solving and conflict. And also, in this case, we use images and stories with, for example, what we call the Control Signals Poster, a kind of light that children understand perfectly.
"Mark designed the poster then a traffic light, in which each light representing a different step of the process of learning the basics of self:
Red: Breathe slowly and deeply. Formulates the problem and say how you feel.
Yellow: What I can do? Will it work?
Green puts into practice the best alternative. How has it worked?
"This is a poster developed by Roger Weissberg and his colleagues at Yale University who had already seen on the walls of all classrooms in public schools in New Haven where, in the early nineties, I visited several of them to write an article about a pioneering program in the field of emotional literacy. Over the years, the New Haven program, which as PATHS, has ended up being implemented in the whole country has become widespread to the point that educators from around the world have traveled to New Haven to learn to develop their own programs of "social development", as they are also known.
"The idea," said Mark, explaining the operation of this peculiar light-is that emotions convey information so that when one feels an emotion, the first thing to do is stop and calm down. This is precisely the step which the wise old tortoise taught the turtle and the red light is inspiring to speak slowly and deeply and then the problem and how you feel about yourself or anyone else.
"After teaching children the meaning of the red light turn to yellow light. The idea, at this point is to generate alternative solutions to problems and then exercise them through role playing. This is very important to create the right context and in that sense, the teacher should create in the classroom, an environment very familiar, as if were a family away from home. And because families are safe environments, the solutions generated should not harm anyone. It is true that one does not have to be friends with everyone, but the fact remains that he must learn to relate well with others. It is therefore important to understand that you're in a classroom and not to harm anybody.
"As a result of our philosophy, do not waste time letting the children generate aggressive solutions and negative, because that is something completely unproductive. Instead, we asked "What would you do-if the goal is to get along with others, or at least not to fight with if now they hear someone behind you kidding? What would you do if someone pushed while in the queue and get angry with him? ". Then we invite you to exercise in practice alternatives generated and, finally, we asked how it worked.
"That poster is everywhere in the classroom, the playground doors in the restaurant and up in the headmaster's office. There are schools where, in the playground, there are several red-like cones that sometimes are used as beacons of traffic which can address those children who are poor and do not want to be bothered.
"In this sense, there are times when we also have in the last rows of the classroom of what we call" peace table "," chair of peace "or whatever, in schools in the past, called "time-out chair." These children were used to settle after a tantrum but sometimes, they considered a punishment. Today, however, these seats are marked with a red circle that may be used by children who are very upset to calm down and think about possible alternatives for action. "
- Do so that each classroom has a "zone of peace"? I asked, thinking that this was precisely the name of a proposal he had made the Dala Lama to turn Tibet into a zone free of weapons.
"Well, the truth is not in every classroom, pointed out Mark, but it seems that's where we've tested, works quite well.
"Many schools in our country that also use a program focusing on conflict resolution in which older children taught to mediate in conflicts in children. This program, for example, teaches eleven year old children to wander around the playground at school and intervene whenever they see a small problem. In schools in implementing the PATHS program, these mediators carry a shirt with the image of light, making it a very concrete symbol is everywhere. Thus, in cases involving older children, say something like: "It seems that there is a problem. Red light, ie calmémonos "and then" Now we turn to the yellow light. First you talk, the other will listen and then exchange the papers. "
"The rigorous evaluation with PATHS program clearly shows that children who have been through it are better able to discuss their feelings and understanding the feelings of others. "8
Encouraged by his scientific instinct, then asked the Dalai Lama by methodology used to draw these conclusions:
- Is the program in question applies to all classes or only some?
-In most cases, "said Mark," is that the program is applied to an entire school, otherwise it could be some kind of contamination because it is sufficient that it is available, so that the crews want to spread naturally the whole school environment. In either case, schools used to carry out the comparison neighborhoods were in similar socio-economic status and the assignment is carried out in a completely random-Mark assured us.
"To assess the results," continued Mark, used a series of questions like "How do you know if you are angry or sad?" And I should note that children who have gone through this program are better able to respond to these questions, that is, better able to recognize their feelings and talk about them. Moreover, their self-reports also show an almost immediate reduction in symptoms of depression and sadness. In fact, these symptoms are relatively easy to change, because the fact of talking about feelings and share them with others is one of the main antidotes to depression. The various studies performed also show a significant decrease, though not spectacular rate of aggressive behavior.
"We tend to think of all this as if it were a heart disease. We know that heart disease depend on biological variables (such as diet, genetics and exercise, for example) and also know that elimination of these risk factors also decreases the rate of heart disease. Our program also reduces the incidence of risk factors that accompany the inability to calm down, you can not take the point of view of others and unable to think through a particular problem. This is how we gradually reduce the rate of aggressive behavior and problems linked to the expression of destructive emotions. "
Wanted
old sage" Just remember the weight is the modeling process in early childhood education, "continued Mark to become aware of the extraordinary importance of the teacher to learn and that his conduct display these skills. It is true that this is a difficult process and there is great variability, but if you work regularly and we have the cooperation of the staff, modeling can have a profound influence on how children learn Use these emotional abilities.
"The teacher can not always use the model to teach the skills of the peace, talking to himself and use his intelligence properly, but when such a thing is possible, the benefits are considerable. This seems to confirm the idea of \u200b\u200bAristotle, Owen mentioned already, that contact with a wise elder helps to harmonize the virtues. This process is so essential that research has shown that if the teacher does not model his conduct what is taught, the child learns to use those skills.
"Clearly, the importance of parents in this regard. John Gottman and others have found that many parents take out what we might call emotional coaching. So when your child is angry or sad, do not leave him or punish him, but to help you understand that there is no reason to be overwhelmed by feelings, all feelings well, that's a natural phenomenon that can be modified. And I must say that these children learn the same skills positive, a more appropriate behavior and a greater ability to control their physiological arousal.
"This morning I talked about how parents can help young children manage their emotions. Similarly, although at a very different evolutionary parents and teachers of children of ten years may also be helpful. Paul knows that this role continues even in the parents of daughters than twenty years. We should not forget that, ultimately, we all need teachers.
would be a mistake to believe that the possibility of action concludes at the end of childhood. Although we can not yet say this with absolute certainty, there is every reason to believe that the plasticity of the brain does not end at adolescence but continues beyond it. Rigorous evaluation of programs of social emotional learning and aimed at teenagers has proved useful in combating drug addiction, the consumption of snuff and aggressive.
"While adults play an important role in the lives of children, always the most difficult situations often occur among peers. Do not forget that the best predictor of mental health of a child is what they say their peers, as they see things that adults often overlook.
"Therefore, I consider it very important that this type of approach is widespread and that its use is not limited to the field of psychotherapy or teaching relationship between adult and child. The importance of social context is such that parents can not carry out this task without the proper competition for the context provided by peers. We must create a school climate in which not only parents but also students, to assess all these skills. And children must also understand from an early age the need to encourage this development, which in the United States is certainly problematic, given the extraordinary changes in the last twenty years, has experienced the time adults spend with their children. "
The Dalai Lama then addressed Jinpa and quietly told him much he had liked to hear the report of Mark. He had long been stressing the need to implement something like this in the field of education and finally found out he was holding something very concrete and practical about it. Then he said he was also very pleased to have learned of the existence of a systematic attempt to help children to better manage their emotions destructive. And not only impressed by the hard facts, but also the fact that these methods are already in the education of some children.
modeling compassion
"The Western view of the world," continued Mark, and our interest in avoiding psychopathology have led us to devote little attention to the cultivation of positive emotions. In the last seven or eight years, however, have begun to timidly a few steps in this direction and we tell the children stories of real people, in some cases, children as they and, in one way or another, have made a significant contribution to the world.
"I now give some examples of stories through which we try to make the language and reading programs in a vehicle PATHS content and integrate well in the school daily. To convey the notion of perseverance despite obstacles, for example, used the story of the famous American baseball player one-armed Jim Abbott. Everyone, he says, he insisted that, given their situation, would never become a good player and would be better to abandon this idea. Our report highlights how he persevered in the effort to achieve their goal. Then we encourage them to talk to us about creating unattainable goal and I do reflect and outline the steps they think should take to get to get it.
"One of the stories we tell is that of Aung San Suu Kyi," said Mark, please contact the Dalai Lama and his party getting a nod in acknowledgment, as both have received the Nobel Prize peace, and he had participated, along with other Nobel laureates, in a demonstration in support of which took place at the Burmese border.
"With the story of the life of Aung San Suu Kyi tried to convey the importance social responsibility and to illustrate that sometimes it is worthwhile to give life to a noble cause. We speak of house arrest was subjected for many years and explained the importance of his sacrifice for the democratic movement in Myanmar (Burma). So we try to convey the need, sometimes, insisting on the effort despite all the sacrifices therewith.
"After telling this biography, we invite you to outline a small project to help improve their school or neighborhood. The idea is to awaken in them the same kind of emotions and goals which mobilized Aung San Suu Kyi. Maybe then they can discover objectives themselves pointing to the common good.
"Another example that we usually give is that of Maya Lin, American of Asian descent who designed the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington and the Civil Rights Memorial in Montgomery (Alabama). We use the story of his life to illustrate how art can serve to mark important events. We use also the children's book by Eve Bunting The Wall, which tells the story of a father taking his son to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial to see the name of his grandfather. This is a very interesting story because it also allows us to focus children's attention on issues of war and death.
"Then I ask for your opinion on how they might commemorate important historical events, and, finally, all kind designs and implements a project to remember a major event in your community. And in this sense, we do not give any suggestion, but we let people decide themselves what they will do and what it can focus on something that happened in school during the course, or some historical event happened in the vicinity. The idea in any case, is to guide children's attention toward the ideal of social responsibility ... and pass-we hope at least, a hint of compassion.
"You see, this is very poor examples because our attention was focused on the management of destructive emotions and right now we are starting to work with the positive. I am therefore very interested in any suggestions you can give me to develop compassion. I know that Buddhism has a millennial experience in the cultivation of compassion for the young novices and see no reason we can not benefit from it. "
- Do you have any ideas that might help us to cultivate compassion for adolescents? Mark then asked the Dalai Lama.
Then he asked his fellow Tibetan Buddhists their views.
"Some Tibetan families," said Matthieu have a simple habit, but I find extraordinary is that on his birthday, the child makes gift-and I must say it is happy for all family members . This is obviously a detail that has great principles, but in either case, it seems very significant.
"What children do matter," agreed Mark, are not great ideas, but the little things that shape their daily life.
The repertoire of compassion
"I think," said the Dalai Lama then giving their views on how it is very important to properly manage negative emotions, but that in itself will not solve the problems. You have already very clearly recognized in its agenda the need to cultivate and develop positive emotions. Even though these emotions may not be directly applicable as an antidote in the heat of the moment, may predispose the child-or anyone else better cope with negative emotions. The truth is that I have no definite idea about the specific techniques that could be appealed, but it seems clear that exposure of children to a really loving and supportive environment, both within the family with parents in schools with teachers who respect them and care about their welfare, have in them a powerful impact . The best way to teach love and compassion does not go by words but by actions.
Mark knew that the Dalai Lama often not ever assume the role of expert on issues such as child development, but the fact is that his comment surprised him.
"Precisely because of that," said resort to these stories. Let me tell you another story that we use with third graders. This is a true story the story of Trevor Ferrell, a thirteen years living in a residential area near Philadelphia. One night I was watching the news when he became aware of the homeless living on the streets of their city. The news was so moved that he spoke with his father and said: "We have some old blankets in the garage. I would give them to people who sleep in the street heating with steam coming out of bars. "
Although his father thought it was a rather strange idea, helped him carry it out, and the experience was very rewarding for both. The next day, Trevor filled the shops near his house with signs saying things like, "Do you have a blanket that does not use?" "Do not need food?". After one week, his garage was full of food and, today, many stores in Philadelphia, to which, in his honor, was named as Trevor Place dedicated to feeding the homeless. The Dalai Lama
had heard the whole story nodding and smiling. "We tell this story and use it next to the Control Signals Poster, striving for children to feel what might have experienced Trevor, who was then the need to calm down and Finally, ask, "What I can do about it?". The idea is that children can teach us many things. Therefore used these stories as a vehicle for the transmission of such teachings, but we're always looking for new ideas.
"Before I listened with some suspicion," said Alan Wallace then your comment that all emotions are natural and well. Then I found that it might be a good idea to support his suggestion and not to judge the emotions before they were recognized. But just as all people are equal but some are more equal than others, all feelings are fine, but some are better than others. William James was a principle that is brilliant and I remember every day of my life: "That which we serve becomes our reality, and that to serve not just slowly disappearing from our reality." I found it curious that a number of "feeling faces" were negative. Perhaps children, especially from the ten, eleven or twelve years, could also begin to develop a broader repertoire to include cards for compassion, patience, friendliness, and so on.
One of the central themes of the classic Budhicaryavatara is that one should observe how they affect the feelings at the same time they appear. How a child experiences the generosity in time is expressed? Not only must we observe how experienced the generosity the person who receives it, but also the person who expresses it. Maybe then, children can begin to develop sensitivity and awareness of the virtues without saying, "You should do this or that other." His Holiness often says that these virtues are natural, so it would not be surprising, if kids pay attention and have allusive cards, come to recognize.
"I feel very good idea," said Mark. One of the reasons why I think that in the West are more focused on the destructive emotions is because we are in an area, the school, where today there is great concern about the violence, a concern that is driving the financing of these programs. But certainly no longer seem odd that although our projects are only in their infancy, we have not yet paid attention to positive emotions. These days I have been taking note of the possible lessons that should be included. We have no, for example, that has to do with the awe and with admiration. I learned a lot about what we might begin to do about it and I am very grateful.
The Dalai Lama, who had been deeply moved by the presentation of Mark, then touched his forehead with his hands in thanks.
12. ENCOURAGING THE COMPASSION
Why do you think western science has ignored the compassion?
That was the question around which revolved the fifth meeting organized by the Mind and Life Institute, which focused on altruism and human nature. The question had been made by Anne Harrington, a specialist history of science at Harvard University. "Historically speaking
had said Harrington, the deeper science has entered the exploration of reality, less has been the relevance of notions such as compassion. And, from the evolutionary perspective, for example, altruism is no more than a genetic adaptation strategy.
But when one-pointed on that occasion Harrington explores the reality from the Buddhist perspective, discover different dimensions in which compassion plays a key role and provides a framework for the dramas of life, whereby beings are not at war, but intimately related.
On that occasion, the Dalai Lama said that science was a relatively young and that, consequently, their view of human nature as essentially aggressive, selfish and cruel eyes seem arbitrary from a particular stage of the evolution of human being.
According to Richard Davidson, the organizer of this meeting, it is likely that this negative view due to the fact that psychology follows in the footsteps of medicine, not focusing so much attention on health and illness. "It is very probable that it is precisely this trend," he concluded that predisposes us the study of negative emotions. "
At that point, Ervin Staub, a social psychologist at the University of Massachusetts, said that in the last thirty years, some psychologists have begun to investigate also altruism and empathy, although have failed to do so with compassion. In his view, the field is already mature enough to pay attention to compassion and positive emotions in general.
same focus on compassion and positive aspects of emotion was also the focus of our afternoon session. When he began the afternoon session, said the Dalai Lama I would like to continue talking about a point we had played in Chonor House for lunch, namely, that the school program described by Mark was primarily focused on the control of destructive emotions, but did not say much about the cultivation of emotions positive, who are the real antidotes to those.
"We wondered," I said if Buddhism, which has many methods for the cultivation of positive emotions, it will also have techniques that can adapt to a secular education for such programs.
As so often does when asked a specific response, the Dalai Lama took his time to reflect: "According
Matthieu said in his presentation, Buddhism stresses the existence of eighty-four thousand different mental afflictions, and consequently, eighty-four thousand different antidotes. Let me begin with that statement, then we will see what you have to say and then maybe I can add something.
Then I noticed that Alan wanted to speak and gave my word. He began by referring back to the classic Bodhicaryavatara, written by the sage Shantideva, already mentioned in the morning session and said
"In that book there is a whole chapter devoted to culture patience and tolerance as an antidote to counter the problems caused by anger and hatred. Another approach goes back to the teachings of the Four Immeasurable (compassion, equanimity, joy, empathy and love)-Alan said, referring to a classical set of Buddhist meditation-oriented culture of those states.
Under this approach, "continued Alan, love is the natural opposite of hatred. If hate is an attitude or an emotion that can not tolerate the welfare of another person ("he is my enemy and I will not be happy"), love works exactly the opposite ("I wish all beings attain happiness and its causes. ")
From this perspective, the cultivation of love is a kind of vaccine that strengthens our emotional immune system and enable us to explore areas of anger and hatred poisoned without any danger of getting infected. And something similar happens also with other immeasurable. So, compassion is the opposite of cruelty (which is to enjoy the suffering of others even to wish to hurt).
"May all beings be free from suffering and its causes" - Alan then said, verbalizing a formula often used in the practice of meditation Buddhist. It is mentally repeating phrases while evoking a sense of compassion to the two-thinking and feeling just melting (though at the beginning may be far apart).
Then Alan spoke of the Buddhist concept only mudita, referring to the fact rejoice in the welfare and happiness of others. As usual with Buddhist concepts related to emotion, not a single equivalent term in English, which shows it is poorly articulated that concept in our culture.
"For its part, the cultivation of sympathetic joy," continued Alan is the counterweight natural jealousy, its opposite, which consist of not tolerate the happiness of another person and can not bear to be famous or rich, for example. Sympathetic joy leads us to enjoy the happiness of others, which eradicates jealousy even before they have a chance to manifest.
Finally, there is equanimity, which is the opposite of both the attachment and aversion. Also in this case, the cultivation of equanimity strengthens the immune system allows the practitioner and radiate peace wherever he goes.
-should finally be noted, Matthieu broke in a couple of ways to mobilize additional emotions positive. One of them uses the argument, and the other begins generating some basic emotions and then work with them.
The first procedure is to put ourselves in the shoes of others. In this sense, there are a gradual sequence of exercises that began par with the other, exchanging with them and then going to see them as more important than oneself, assuming his point of view and giving us an account of our own selfishness and arrogance. In this case, one begins to feel for his own ego would feel the same disgust with anyone selfish. Then he added that in the text of Shantideva that Alan had spoken, explaining subtle ways of carrying out this process.
The other method is to evoke a feeling of love thinking to do, someone to inspire our love, for example, a devoted mother and imagining that you are going through a difficult situation.
is an exercise that appeals to the use of the imagination to move our emotions. Suppose you imagine the mother as a fawn, besieged by a hunter, he is forced to jump off a steep cliff breaking the legs. At that time the hunter arrives, he is about to give the shot, the deer looked at him helplessly and says, 'Can you help? ". Or be able to see someone very dear too long without food and has prompted some food. In either case, the objective of this exercise is to evoke an intense emotion of love turning to this, the image of a person you love. Then Matthieu
explained that when the meditator has sufficiently strengthened the feeling of love expands it to include others and, finally, to all living beings
"It's about expanding this feeling and to understand that in really no reason to not come to encompass all living beings. It is also possible to combine both methods and to adapt naturally to our own idiosyncrasy.
-I use a more modest version of what you are suggesting, then broke in Paul Ekman. This is a technique that I used when I had to prepare for any difficult situation and that is presumed to appeal to certain visual images associated with emotions that I have very positive. What I do in this case is to focus mentally on those images to experience the thrill and power within and positively in that situation. This is a technique that seems very related to what you are saying but at one level, of course, much more home.
The other technique is based on my research and also bears some relation to something mentioned by Mark. The question is to outline the muscle movements to build up a smile and a positive emotional state-a technique, incidentally, which was based on the results of its own investigation, that the fact outline of the gestures deliberately make them smile cause brain changes that smile.
also use a slight variation on the turtle's position, "continued Paul. When I studied the culture of the Stone Age New Guinea found that when members of that tribe are comfortable, naturally assume this position, "said then illustrating it with his own body, crossing his arms and holding his shoulders with his hands.
I have hundreds of pictures of people who take this position, a position in which one is held and controlled himself, which is certainly reassuring. I do not know if, in the heat of emotion, can be used to regain control of yourself, but for the moment, these are the methods that resort to when I foresee a difficult situation.
Compassion: the great soothing
"Speaking in general terms then intervened the Dalai Lama, who seemed to have much to say, before engaging in Buddhist practice, one must take into account what is its purpose and what are its benefits. This is a very convenient and if you skip this stage, it is likely that when you are told to cultivate compassion, develop something artificial that it has no interest whatsoever.
A method traditionally used in Buddhism for the cultivation of compassion, for example, is to look at anyone as if it were our own mother. I know that is not logically possible to prove that a given being has really been our mother in a past life, but that is no reason not to consider all beings as if they were our mothers. Why should we do that? Because the fact of considering an individual as if our mother naturally evokes the feeling of affection, appreciation, kindness and gratitude. It matters little when one recognizes that deep motivation that has been our mother or not, because sufficient time to become aware of the benefits and purpose of this practice to be able to undertake it.
Similarly, one of the antidotes that are traditionally used to counter addiction-the real attachment is to appeal to the imagination. In this case, for example, imagine a world covered with bones and skeletons, one way, of course, very gratifying and satisfying bit of looking at reality. Why on earth should one do that? Is not it much more pleasant to contemplate the world covered in flowers? But it is not difficult to understand that this kind of thinking can help free the mind from attachment. This is an expedient means to neutralize what disturbs us, a way to counter anything that disturbs our welfare. Those who are able to recognize that the problem rests in his own mind may check and verify for themselves the effectiveness of this method.
One might get the impression that the cultivation of love and compassion is something we do for others, a kind of sacrifice we make to the world, but in reality, that's a very superficial way of looking at things. Direct experience clearly shows that the first beneficiary of the practice of compassion is one. The practice of compassion brings us, as it were, a hundred percent profit, while the benefits for others is only fifty percent. Thus, self is the main beneficiary of the cultivation of compassion.
Then the Dalai Lama said that in the Buddhist scriptures, the bodhisattva-a person who achieves a high level of spiritual attainment through the practice of compassion enjoys great happiness and welfare because it develops an unusual level of love and compassion that will allow others to love more than himself.
"My little experience with it," confirmed Paul Ekman, who had been pleasantly surprised by the emotional attitude held by the Dalai Lama during the meeting allowed me to discover that the affection and respect for others strengthens us internally and we feel more comfortable and happy. It is true that this is not a panacea to solve all problems, but who cares? In this case, adverse circumstances can make us feel bad for a while, but then we came back with more quickly and return to feel at peace.
"I believe that the practice of compassion is a medication that restores the serenity when you're very busy," said the Dalai Lama. And is that compassion is the chief of tranquilizers.
Throughout his commentary on compassion, the Dalai Lama was very lively and very energetic gestures expressed it clearly expressed its interest in the subject.
"You know," said Matthieu then, widening the debate that the Declaration of Human Rights is fifty-eight articles. But in our relationship with others, there is an article that summarizes all that is, no one wants to suffer and others want, and have the same rights as us, to be happy. This simple statement sums ultimately, the entire Declaration of Human Rights.
CONTINUED ....
